


Kiss Your One Eyed Bride

by BeautifulMessOfMe



Category: Pirates of the Caribbean (Movies)
Genre: Chaos, Crossdressing, Implied Sexual Content, Kidnapping, Loving Marriage, M/M, Normal Pirate Behavior, Pre-Canon, Same-Sex Marriage, Wedding
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-24
Updated: 2018-01-24
Packaged: 2019-03-08 20:10:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,573
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13465659
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BeautifulMessOfMe/pseuds/BeautifulMessOfMe
Summary: A man in a pretty gown, a kidnapped priest, brawling drunks and a house full of whores! There's never a dull moment at a pirate wedding!





	Kiss Your One Eyed Bride

**Author's Note:**

> I apologize for this. I kept wondering about what Ragetti would look like in a wedding dress and then I just couldn't help myself XD Also am I the only one who thought that Giselle and Rags could be siblings? I mean I know she doesn't look that old but Jack's about her age and he looks fantastic!

"Ye' don't fit in this bleedin' corset, Ragsy!" Giselle ranted, pulling the strings of the lacy undergarment as tight as she could manage. 

"It dun 'ave to fit!" Her gangly little teenage brother yelled back at her. "I jus' loike the feel of it on me skin!"

"Oh bloody fuck!" Giselle growled, trying to tie the damned thing so that it wouldn't slip off of the kid's twig like frame. "There. Don't come cryin' to me if it comes undone."

Ragetti stepped back a little to admire himself in the mirror. "Do I look loverly, Zellie?" He asked his sister.

"Beautiful, Ragsy," Giselle sighed, getting the poofy white wedding gown from her bed. "Now lets get ya into this dress."

Ragetti giggled with glee as his sister helped him into the gown. It's skirt was so big it almost swallowed him, but Rags didn't seem to mind it. He was enjoying enjoying himself, playing with all of the soft lace and pretty beading. 

"Hold still now while I fix your veil." Giselle told him, swatting his curious hands away as she tried to set the veil properly over the boy's head.

A knock at the door interrupted her work, followed by the irritated voice of Ragsy's impatient groom.

"Oi! Open up, Girl!" He commanded Giselle from the hallway. She growled in response.

"No, Pinters!" Ragetti protested loudly so that his husband to be could hear him. "Ya can't see me in my dress! It's bad luck!"

"I oughta acquaint you both with the back of my hand..." Giselle muttered in frustration as she halted her efforts with the veil and ducked out the door to talk with Pintel. "Wots so important tha' I gotta drop everything I'm doin' and rush out 'ere to you!?" She demanded.

"Wot am I 'sposed to do wit the priest?" Pintel asked her urgently.

"Priest?" Giselle was more than a little surprised. "You were 'sposed to be gettin' a Captain for the ceremony! What self respectin' priest goes 'round performin' marriages 'tween two men?" 

"One that's bound in rope an 'eld at gunpoint." Pintel informed her with a wicked grin.

Giselle gasped and smacked him across the face. "You kidnapped a bloody priest!?" She was angry enough to scream but for her brother's sake, managed to control herself.

"Wot the 'ell's your problem?" Pintel seethed, rubbing his cheek where Giselle's hand had left a bright red mark. "Rags wanted a priest. An' 'far as sins go, I fink yer worse off than me anyways. Wot wif your bein' a lady of the night an' all."

"Why you stinking, slobbering, disease ridden bilge rat!..." Giselle snapped, raising her hand again to strike him.

"Zellie!" Ragetti's voice stopped the enraged woman in her tracks. "Tell Pinters I'm ready! He 'as to go downstairs!" 

Pintel breathed a quiet sigh of relief and smiled sweetly at Giselle, who glared daggers into him.

"Go!" She demanded. "'For I change my mind 'bout lettin' ya marry my little Ragsy!"

Pintel opened his mouth to argue further, but ultimately he decided to drop it and obey. If he wanted Rags he was going to have to play nice with the boy's sister, even if she was a bloody awful bitch.

......

"A beautiful night fer a weddin' it be." Captain Barbossa smirked, amused and nudged the captive priest with the barrel of his flintlock. "Don't ye agree, father?" 

The poor old man was shaking with fear, not daring to say a word.

"Oi!" Pintel snapped at him. "The Cap'n asked ya a question. It'd be awful impolite not to give 'em an answer." 

The bound priest nodded his head quickly, still too terrified to actually speak.

Barbossa chuckled a little. "I must admit, master Pintel..." He grinned with delight. "I'm quite enjoyin' meself with this 'best man' business." 

"Glad yer 'avin fun, Cap'n." Pintel smiled nervously at the much taller man. He had feared that the captain might take offense to the best man title. Barbossa did like to be the center of attention, and if that wasn't the case at all times he tended to get cranky.

Having the unfortunate minister to antagonize seemed to have calmed the fiery captain's temper, however and for once Pintel was glad for Ragetti's powerful religious streak and his constant insisting to have a priest consecrate their union.

"Here's comes the bride!" Jenny, one of the wenches that Giselle shared her home with, yelled from her seat in the back of the room. 

A large gaggle of reputable women were to bear witness to the event, along with whatever gentlemen company said women happened to have over at the time. Some of the guests weren't even conscious.

An old drunk named Fitzy sat at the back of the room with Jenny, beginning to play a makeshift violin with broken strings. It sounded dreadful but Pintel didn't care.

The rest of the crowd faded away when he saw his Ragetti come walking down the isle to him, Giselle at his side. 

Next to him, Pintel heard Barbossa chuckle again. Whether it was with pride for his loyal crewmen or his own cruel amusement, he couldn't guess.

That didn't matter, though. Let everyone laugh for all he cared. He had wanted this forever and so had Rags. They deserved to be happy just as much as anyone.

Giselle stopped in front of Pintel and the priest, her giggling little brother on her arm. She gave her future brother-in-law an expectant look, and Pintel turned to Barbossa.

The ruthless captain cocked his pistol, pressing it to the minister's temple. "Best be gettin' on with the preachin', Father." His cruel smile widened. 

The trembling man unwilling opened his mouth to speak. "Wh...who gives this....this..." He stared at Ragetti for a moment, not quite sure what to make of him.

"This, man, Father..." Barbossa supplied, hardly able to contain his laughter anymore. "The words ye be lookin' for are 'this man'."

"This...man. Who gives this man...in marriage?" The priest managed finally, the flintlock barrel pressing urgently against his head. 

"I do." Giselle grinned proudly, pecking her brother on the cheek. "And mummy would too if she were 'ere." She assured Ragetti as she passed him along to Pintel.

The one eyed pirate sniffled as he took his groom's hands in his. 

"Ya look right beautiful, Raggers." Pintel told him, unable to stop himself from smiling.

Ragetti blushed, a tear streaming down from his one good eye. 

"Go on! Make haste!" Barbossa interrupted the tender moment, poking the priest's shiny bald head with his gun impatiently. 

"Do...Do you take each other...in sickness and in he..health? For better or...or for worse? As long as you both shall live?" The pale looking man asked of the couple.

Pintel nodded, giving Ragetti's hands a little squeeze. "I do." He confirmed.

Ragetti sniffled, trying to keep from crying and failing. "Yes, I do. I really do." He answered. 

Barbossa gave the minister a threatening look, urging the man to finish up the job.

"I now pronounce you husband and...husband?." Their captive officiant tried. "You may...kiss the bride." 

Pintel grinned and grabbed Ragetti around the waist, dipping him and pressing an excited kiss against his mouth.

Ragetti reciprocated eagerly, placing one arm around his new husband's shoulders as the other hand rested on Pint's head, tangling into his thinning hair. 

Barbossa took his flintlock away from the panicking priest's head and shot up into the air, putting a hole through the ceiling. 

Their audience of wenches and drunken sailors whooped and yelled in celebration, though many of them were too buzzed to know what they were cheering for. One man stood up and busted a bottle of rum over the chair in front of him and another punched the poor fellow sitting next to him. 

It was only seconds before the whole wedding erupted into a brawl. Men threw other men across the room, wenches were yelling and cheering their own men on, and Giselle was smacking some pretty red head around in the middle of all the commotion. 

Somewhere along the line, the priest had feinted and The Captain was laughing. 

Pintel lifted his blushing bride back up and Ragetti tossed his bouquet towards a few of the women. Several of the ladies began to battle for it but when one of them tossed the flowers across the room in order to keep another from claiming them, the bouquet landed in the hands of Captain Barbossa.

The giggling from the wenches that followed made the man blush bright red and he threw Ragetti's flowers back to the cackling girls in frustration. 

Pintel laughed and Ragetti nuzzled against his neck. "I'm so happy, Pinters." The boy spoke tenderly to his groom.

"Aye, so am I, luv." The shorter pirate whispered in reply, kissing Ragetti softly again. "Now we can get to the deflowering part can't we?"

Ragetti giggled. "I dun got's a flower no more, Pint." He reminded his husband. "Ya already took that a long time ago, 'member?"

"Well, we'll jus' 'ave to pretend then won't we?" Pintel chuckled wickedly, kissing a trail up Ragetti's neck.

"Later," Rags promised, still grinning like a loony. "We gots to cut the cake first."

Pintel's evil grin widened and he stroked a hand down Ragetti's leg. "Fine but 'fore we do that, I'm gonna have a go at that garter yer wearin'."


End file.
